My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
