you didnt know i had herpes?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
