She's like a pop up book from hell.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
