is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
