woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
