Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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