He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
