threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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