Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
