Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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