Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
