did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
two words: eviction party
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
