Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
