so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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