He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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