You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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