You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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