Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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