I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
