Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
