there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
