Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
