she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize