So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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