I'm gonna have a badass scar
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
