you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
