I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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