i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
