Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
