god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
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