He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
