Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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