Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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