You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
