Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
