I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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