Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I have feelings that need drinking.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
