I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
