There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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