can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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