Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
