I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
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