My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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