Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
