the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
