i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize