I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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