google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
