I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
