Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
