What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize