Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
