you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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