Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
