is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
