he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize