Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize