just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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