walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
