2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
He is an equal opportunity slut.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
