2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
zippers are such a cool invention
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
