I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize