She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
