I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
