Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
