She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize