She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
