So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
this hospital has no fireball
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
