The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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