He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize
