i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
