thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Sober January is a disaster.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
