you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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