Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
