so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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