We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize